I am the queen of early pregnancy testing.

My doctor frowns on early pregnancy testing. He told me that it takes about two weeks after you conceive to accumulate enough HCG for a test to give a positive result. By his calculations, early pregnancy testing is just a waste of money. Maybe he is right, but I just can’t help myself and I give into the early pregnancy testing bug every time.

After years of trying unsuccessfully to conceive a child, I am the queen of early pregnancy testing. I know that science tells us that early pregnancy testing is not always accurate, but who has the patience to wait weeks before finding out if they are carrying a little bundle of joy?

I order pregnancy tests online by the case. I keep them in my bathroom so that I can satisfy my early pregnancy testing whim any time I feel like it. Early pregnancy testing can be extremely frustrating. The three minutes it takes for a line to show up can seem like hours.

I try to follow the early pregnancy testing directions. I try to wait for three minutes before I look at the test to see if I am pregnant. Oh, who am I kidding? Every time I give into the urge for ealry pregnancy testing, I end up sitting on the bathroom counter, holding the test in my hand for the entire three minutes, verbally willing a line to show up.

When the three minutes have gone by, I stand there, twisting the test to every angle imaginable. I hold it at arms length. I put it right up to my nose. I squint my eyes, hoping that the blur it creates will show me an early pregnancy testing line. I examine each shadow and I have even been known to rip apart an early pregnancy testing kit to see if the line is more visible outside the casing.

Yes, I know. I am suffering from EPTS. (Early Pregnancy Testing Syndrome) I have it bad! I have even been known to dig an hour old test out of the trash just to see if a line somehow snuck onto it.

I couldn’t believe that I was really seeing a line, when I finally did get pregnant. I went through five more early pregnancy testing kits before I believed that I was pregnant. I had spent so many years with negative pregnancy results that I didn’t know a positive result when I saw it.